you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
