the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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