I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
