community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize