last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
