she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
