I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
