So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize