Where is the hickey?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
