After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
