Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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