pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
