I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
