HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
