i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
