Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
