She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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