Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
COCAINE IS GR8
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
