Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
