So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
