He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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