I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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