They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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