Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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