Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it because I queefed?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
