when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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