What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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