How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize