The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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