is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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