Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
