is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
