your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
