So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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