Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
