We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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