You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i now understand why vodka
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
