Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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