i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
