Where did you get a picture of my penis
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
