Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
