He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
