That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
