yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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