Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
