It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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