her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
