U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
