wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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