so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
