A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
