dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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