i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
