Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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