it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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