so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
