I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
