Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
