Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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