All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
