She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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