why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
