Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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