now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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