Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
