This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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