i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
