he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Please don't give away my fajitas
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
